How Does Emotionally Focused Therapy Work For Couples?

It would be nice if relationships were as easy as popular media depicts them to be. It certainly is not a secret that relationships and marriages take work, commitment, and sacrifice. Most couples, at some point in their relationship, will come to a point where the whole thing seems overwhelming and challenging.

Maybe you are at a crossroads with each other and feel entirely lost on how to fix things. Or, maybe you are looking for a refresher with each other and need to reconnect. No matter what is prompting you to explore the idea of couples therapy, it can profoundly and positively impact your connection.

One of the best ways to improve a relationship is through emotionally focused therapy.

What Is EFT?

Emotionally focused therapy was designed specifically for couples. While it is mainly geared towards couples, it can be applied to all of a person's relationships.

It was created to help form a more secure emotional bond and to focus on fostering a stronger connection with one's partner. Unlike other types of therapy, EFT is considered a short-term treatment option. Due to this, the main focus is on the present and future.

How Does It Work?

Starting therapy can be intimidating, even for those who have done individual therapy. It can feel like a whole new ball game, where you are trying to play while learning the rules. Knowing what to expect can help you determine if a certain approach is right for you and can help ease your worries.

In your initial session, you will begin to form a relationship with the therapist you are working with.  As you get to know one another, they will observe the interactions between you and your partner to understand your dynamics.

During sessions, you will both have the opportunity to discuss your current relationship concerns and where you see the need for improvement. Some couples may have specific goals, like learning how to resolve conflict. Or, you might feel as if you have trouble opening up to one another.

As these conversations are opened up, they will help you discover suppressed emotions that you may not have realized were there. Some of these emotions could be negative, like resentment, and they might be positive, as well. There are no right or wrong answers to what you will discover about each other.

While the focus is mainly on the present and future, the past will naturally come to light. Maybe past experiences were not the best for you as a couple. EFT helps couples see these past experiences for what they were and as a catapult to leave them behind.

From there, you can learn new techniques for expressing yourselves to one another, improve your listening skills, and work on healthy conflict resolution.

There are three main stages of EFT for couples, with a handful of steps in each stage.

Stages of EFT

Stage one is focused on de-escalation. During this stage, the problems currently impacting the relationship are brought up. This is done, in large part, by recognizing the patterns in the relationship that are causing conflict and tension.

Stage two is focused on restructuring. During this stage, you will focus on becoming more receptive and compassionate toward each other and your wants and needs. One of the main goals of this stage is to open the lines of communication and to share your emotions more easily with one another.

The third and final stage of EFT is one of consolidation. This part of EFT focuses on bringing your previous work and putting it into practice. While you will likely notice growth in stage two, stage three is where most couples feel amazed at seeing how far they have grown as individuals and couples.

If you want to learn more about EFT and its use in couples therapy, don't hesitate to reach out.